I've been struggling with my heart, could be said, mentally...
I was having a nightmare the night before yesterday...
The dream condition was like: I was in public. Looking for my parents, my family, but i couldn't find them... I was panic and afraid... Then I wanted to look for him as well, still... I couldn't find him too... I was like at a junction and lost my way... That dream was horrible... That feeling sucks!! It seems to be so real...
Luckily at that time, I was awake from my dream... I'm glad that it's just a dream...
I feels like I have to tell someone to comfort myself... I told him, and he managed to comfort me.
I'm feeling good, but he is not... He's actually in the anger mood, but he tried to calm and makes me comfort... I got no idea what's going on, but i truly hope that he can feel better after tonight.
I'm so clear about myself, that I'm so afraid to lose, I felt so unsecured, until he talk to me and calm me. This kinda problem could be able to spoil my relationship to friends or love. I realized that I might have hypochondria after a several nonsense quarrel with him, because this fight shouldn't be happen. I feels like uncontrollable every time I worried too much and thinking of those negative things... Maybe this existed after the first relationship and i felt unsecured once i love someone. I thought I've get over this, but this seems like it is just hidden.
I don't want to be so extremely pessimistic! I'm so sick of this me! If I'm given a chance to go back to the past, I would like to change my life from getting in such relationship. Peoples might says that, never blame of your past, it makes you learned! Yes... But at least, I want to stop 'that past me' from hurting myself that might influence the rest of my life!
I want to find a way out and get through of this! Good Luck Vera!!
